Retirement in El Valle? - Questions from a Reader

I received an email from a reader named Rick with some questions about life in El Valle. Here are his questions and my answers in blue:

"Hi Wael, Thanks for all the information on your website. I have a few questions regarding year-round living (i.e. retirement) in el valle de anton:

(1) What is the low temperature and the high temperature on a typical day in El Valle?"

Answer: Temperatures in El Valle are extremely comfortable. The wet season (April to December, approximately) is warm, rainy and humid; dry season (January to March) is slightly cooler, windy and dry. Heating is never needed and AC is rarely used. You will often run a fan on a warm day. If you go out in the evening, you might sometimes need a light jacket, but mostly not. I'd say the lows to highs during the day are 65 to 85, and at night 55 to 70.

The humidity of course is high. In the beginning this can be quite uncomfortable, but eventually your body adjusts and you don't feel it anymore, except maybe when it rains on a warm day. The high humidity presents many other challenges when it comes to storing and caring for food, clothing, electronic equipment, etc, but that's a different subject.

Weather in El Valle is mostly lovely and perfectly attuned to human comfort, but at times it can be dramatic. Crashing thunderstorms, heavy downpours, lightning shows... the dry season is also very windy in El Valle - I mean, at times it sounds like it will tear your roof off - and that takes some getting used to.

(2) "Are there any houses to RENT on a long-term basis, or must I buy a house if I want to live there?"

Answer: The rental market in El Valle is always tight, but there are usually a few houses available. They range from "typical" Panamanian homes with small windows, no AC and primitive kitchens, to newer, more upscale houses. Rent could be anywhere between $400 and $1500 or more, depending on the house. In fact my house will probably be available for rent in May. I saw a recent posting on the El Valle forum regarding a house for rent and you should contact Larry and Becky from the Golden Frog Inn about it.

(3) "Since the juice of the green (young) coconut seems to help my kidney problem, I'd like to know if fresh green coconuts are readily available in El Valle - or do I have to go down into the lowlands to buy them?"

Answer: Coconuts grow everywhere in El Valle. You can buy them at the mercado or climb a tree with a ladder and cut them down with a machete. "Coconut water" is also sold in all the stores.

(4) "How long is the ride (by bus or motor scooter) from El Valle to nice beaches with very clean seawater for swimming?"

Answer: It is a 45 minute drive down the mountain to nice beaches such as Santa Clara beach. The bus might take a little longer.

(5) "Are the any freshwater options (rivers, lakes, waterfalls) near El Valle that are clean enough and warm enough for bathing and swimming?"

Answer: There are streams in the hills around El Valle with natural pools (in the photo at top you see a local waterfall called Chorro El Macho). The water would be slightly on the chilly side. I have often seen locals swimming in them, but never ex-pats or tourists. If you hike up the La India Dormida trail, you'll see some natural pools. I don't see any reason why you could not swim in them. There is also the thermal hot springs in El Valle, which charges (last I checked) $1.50 for admittance. Also, a few local hotels have swimming pools and will let you swim for a nominal fee.

Thank you!

Rick

You're welcome.

Swimming Academy

I dreamed that I joined a military swimming academy, perhaps something like the Navy SEALS. My sergeant was Tom Cruise, who I do think is a great filmmaker by the way, in spite of the wide contempt in which the public seems to hold him. But come on, you've got to admit that Vanilla Sky, Collateral and War of the Worlds were great pictures. And even his earlier films, like Jerrry McGuire and Rainman had value, portraying these arrogant, shallow characters who go through some transformative experience and are forced to become more humble.

Back to the swimming academy. The first day my sergeant (Tom) harangued me and singled me out for abuse because for some reason I did not have the proper haircut, and I did not have the sheet of instructions all the other recruits had. I was behind in my training and had not yet swum a single lap. I asked my bunkmate for help and he said, "Why should I help you, what do we have in common?"

"I don't know," I said, "Where are you from."

"Cincinnatti."

"Oh," I said, "I have a good friend in Cincinnatti." Which is not exactly true. Dr. Sayed's son Ayman was relocated to Cincinnatti by the company he works for, The Gap, and I have known him since he was a baby but we are not exactly friends.

I decided to forget all other considerations for now and just start swimming, but I discovered to my horror that I had not brought any swimming trunks. I went to find Tom Cruise. I said, "Sir, I know this is going to sound idiotic, but I don't have any trunks. Can I go buy a pair?" He shook his head and laughed and muttered something under his breath, then said, "Go ahead."

I figured I'd go by Supercuts to get the right haircut while I was at it, then maybe Taco Bell. I hurried to the barracks to get my wallet. When I opened my bag I spotted a pair of pink swimming trunks, that I now rememered bringing. I said to my bunkmate, "My swimming trunks are back!"

"Oh yeah," he said, "The captain borrowed a bunch of stuff for a skit. Your pink trunks were a riot."

What was I thinking, bringing pink trunks? I'd never hear the end of it. I'd better buy a new pair anyway.

Just then the barracks phone rang. "Hey recruit," someone shouted at me. "It's for you."

I picked up the receiver. A woman's voice declared, "I saw your website on TV."

"Who is this?" I said. "Someone of the female persuasion clearly, but I don't recognize your voice."

"Maymuna, of course," she replied. Which was odd since I have not seen her since she was six years old. "I've been watching this current events roundup show on cable, and your website Zawaj.com was mentioned three times."

"Yes," I said. "They have software that does that now."

"You know," she said. "Ismail is waiting for you to take him camping."

Aaaaaaah!